I Love Being AUNT Dawn...

I'm An Aunt....I love hearing "AUNT DAWN" in the various accents that my nieces and nephews possess. I never knew that a four letter name would be such fun for kids to draw out and make their own enunciation. Some of my nieces and nephews have such southern drawls that you would think my name is an eight letter name...LOL!!! And, I love every minute of waiting for them to yell it out!

Admittedly, I'm not the best Aunt in the world! I forget birthdays, seldom send Christmas gifts, and a few I know of however I've never met them (not that I haven't wanted to - our homes are many miles away from each other and family gatherings have never seem to connect calendars equally). One thing is for sure these "admissions" don't make me a BAD AUNT they make me a normal Aunt...one who lives 6, 8, 10, and millions of miles away from nieces and nephews. I try to stay connected with everyone through Facebook. I track their lives, posts, and most of all I laugh out loud in public after looking at their faces and most of all their antics in posted photos. Each and every one of them with their own individual personalities make my heart skip a beat! HOWEVER, I'm also an Aunt of two ANGELS! Those I miss the most and when I look into the eyes of the others I sometimes see them. I want to share with you what I see and miss the most:

Jessica Gayle Holcombe - October 19, 1987 to October 10, 1996

Jessica's humble tender touch was like no other. It was as if she was born to be an angel! She would laugh and everyone would laugh. She would make "piggy" sounds by squinching up her nose and we would all just lose ourselves in laughter. Jessica lived to make people laugh! Laughter wasn't her only cherished character - Jessica was the most caring child - she loved being the first one to help another...she loved reaching out and touching those around her ensuring them that she loved them. She loved hard, deep, and with all her heart/soul! Jessica expressed her emotions through music and even though she was in pain physically she made sure she smiled, sang, hugged, and laughed until God decided it was time to take her home..

Cpl Chad Stafford Wade - May 25, 1988 - December 1, 2010

A man of honor! A man of strong moral character! A man who believed with all of his heart in God and Family! A man who held himself with such class and confidence you would just stand in "AH" in his presence. Chad was athletic - a daredevil at heart, if you would. He loved living life to the absolute fullest! An outdoors-man who never took God's grace for granted. Loved to hunt, fish, and spend time with nature, friends, and family. A man who could smile, laugh, and make quick witted comments that would just drop you to your knees in laughter. Chad, a guiding light that honored the world by giving his life honorably! Even though God chose Chad to be one of his Heavenly Soldiers...I fill blessed to have a lifetime of memories...

My prayer is that my nieces and nephews can forgive me for being absent minded on Birthday, Christmas, and special occasions in their lives. Right now the only thing I can do is "stalk" them on Facebook or smile at/with them when I see them face-to-face. It's all I can do right now because I CAN'T TAKE LOSING ANOTHER ONE! I can't face another sister or brother after laying one of their precious children to rest in the hands of God again...I can't bare losing another sister as I've done already twice...BECAUSE THEY ARE NEVER THE SAME! I don't want to be the heartbroken Aunt who finds comfort in smiling from a distance...I want to be the fun Aunt who celebrates life with nieces and nephews that are still walking God's Green Earth. I just can't muster up the energy right now...I can't find the emotional cord of strength that I know I need to connect with them.

Losing Jessica was a blow! She was a baby! Anger isn't even the right adjective to use to describe how I felt/feel about losing Jessica. I will ALWAYS remember the phone call...the loss of breath...falling across my bed screaming and crying. Then having to "wait" for my husband to get home to help me tell my son, collect our things and being the drive. 8-hours of torture!!! Driving into the obis of emotions...THEN...14 years later another phone call...one that tore the remaining pieces of my heart apart...inability to breath...inability to think...couldn't even pack - my Daughter-in-Law took care of me...MY BRAIN STOPPED WORKING! My world was full of gratitude for such an honorable sacrifice...full of anger...full of plain 'ole pissed off...

NOT AGAIN!  NOT ANOTHER ONE! WHY!?!?!?!?!

At that very moment I can tell you with all honesty that I REMEMBER NOTHING ELSE...

And in the past 2 1/2 years the only thing I KNOW is that I love being an Aunt...and I pray that my surviving nieces and nephews aren't frustrated with Jessibo or Chadder...they didn't do anything wrong! They were the first to grab my heart-strings...they were the first to call my name with such "drawls" that I hear their voices in every yell of "Aunt Dawn"...they paved the road and God took them home....I'M STILL PLAIN 'OLE PISSED OFF ABOUT THAT!!! I wasn't ready for either of them to go and I'm in fear that he will NEED another before he takes me home...